Before chemotherapy started my oncologist warned me I was going to lose my hair. 90% chances of losing my hair, she said. Optimist as always I thought I would fall in the 10% that do not lose their hair. I couldn’t be more wrong. This weekend it started falling out and today it is a mess, hair absolutely everywhere. I have so much hair that although it is falling non-stop for three days I still have a full head of hair. Very thin and flat, true, but still enough to cover my head. Not so sure how I will look tomorrow, at this speed I might as well just shave it all off. I think I will wait for J. to come over tomorrow and ask her to help me get rid of what is left.
The oncologist also told me it would be a good idea to get a wig before chemo started so I went to some wig shops and I tried several styles: natural and synthetic, dark brown and light brown, long and short, but it feels fake and I do not feel like myself with a wig on. I decided then I would not buy a wig and would wear scarves and hats instead. I got some nice scarves and thought I was ready to wear them but now, the idea of not having any hair and having to cover my head is so horrible I just can’t look at myself in the mirror with a scarf on.
To make things worse, S. had to travel this week and he is not here to give his lovely hugs and kisses, to tell me how beautiful I still look and to help me hide my disastrous hair situation with scarves.
Luckily my mother is here and that prevents me from panicking.
Yes, I cried this morning because I felt so miserable and unhappy. It is harder than I though.
Cancer is a bitch and losing my hair just makes it worse.
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