Did I do this to myself?

I can’t get over the ‘why me’ phase. Every day I ask myself what could I have done differently. I can’t change the past but maybe I can try to influence my future.

What are the downsides of eating well, exercising more, and reducing stress? None, right? So why don’t we all do that? I always thought I lead a healthy life, but apparently I have exposed my body to some cancer causing chemicals or other factors that made me develop cancer. I will never know what caused my cancer, maybe it was the polluted air in London, the fact that I didn’t manage to have any children (although I tired), or because I took the pill for so many years. Was it because I didn’t eat organic, or because I had a stressful life? Was it because I am tall? A woman? White? Apart from nutrition and fitness, all the rest seems pretty much out of my control. Should I have exercised more, eaten less or healthier? I was never fat, I always exercised, I cook at home and don’t eat processed food, I eat plenty of fruit and vegetables and never had any health problems before. In fact, I never realised how healthy I was, how fit I was and how happy I was, until this happened.

If our body knows how to fight cancer, I am determined to help it with a better diet, exercise, less stress and less exposure to carcinogens. By doing this I will not only feel like I am in control, I will increase my chances of leaving longer cancer free.

Doctors don’t tell patients to exercise more, be thin, eat healthy, avoid carcinogens and reduce stress to build natural defences against cancer. All is focussed on early detection and treatments, not prevention. This is wrong.

I read somewhere that breast cancer incidence has increased by more than 50% over the last 25 years. This is quite alarming because, although treatments have improved significantly and the survival rates have increased, not much seems to have been done to prevent it from happening in the first place.

I don’t think it is random luck (or lack of it!), it is the environment we live in, the modern life-style we lead, that are disrupting our hormone balances. The chemicals we breathe, eat and drink are acting as carcinogens.

Presently my biggest fear is to have recurrent or secondary cancer and I want to make sure I do what I can to stay healthy for the rest of my life but it is very hard to do so when I don’t know what exactly made me have breast cancer in the first place.

Pesticides, plastics, the pill, stress, etc are all hormone disruptors that can mimic the role of oestrogen and stimulate the growth of hormone sensitive cancer (like mine). It hasn’t necessarily been proven that oestrogen can cause breast cancer, but high levels of oestrogen can stimulate the growth of the cancer cells. That is exactly what Tamoxifen is supposed to do: block oestrogen receptors.

Having an oestrogen receptive cancer is in a way good, it means that there is an extra treatment available, Tamoxifen, which is proven to be effective. However, although Tamoxifen may increase my life expectancy, it definitely decreases my quality of life. I have been taking it for about two months now and the side effects are just getting worse and worse. A good night sleep is something I don’t know the meaning of anymore and having menopause symptoms at my age makes me feel old, too old. Having hot flashes during hot weather is just horrible. I have many techniques to make it more bearable, such as having two glasses of ice on my desk at work, that I can hold whenever I feel a hot flash coming; I have a Chillow which I definitely recommend, it helps me cool down during the many night sweats I have each night; I sleep with a very light duvet and the window open when possible, I dress in layers and only cotton and I take sage capsules. Unfortunately I can’t take Black Cohosh, Agnus Castus or any of those herbs, because it may interfere with the Tamoxifen and may increase my oestrogen levels.

Why is our body so complicated?

Call me paranoid, but I started using glass containers instead of plastic, I try to use only BPA free plastic, I rarely eat canned food (apart from the odd bean or tuna can), I use organic beauty products without parabens, I eat organic, I avoid dairy products and red meat, and I eat as much antiangiogenic foods as I can (antiangiogenics stop the growth of tumours and progression of cancers by limiting the formation of new blood vessels). Some examples of these foods are strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, blueberries, oranges, grapefruit, lemons, apples, pineapples, cherries, parsley, garlic, nutmeg, turmeric, tomatoes, pumpkin, green tea, kale and dark chocolate.

I went from not wanting to read anything related to cancer to reading everything I can about it. There’s a lot of contradictory information available, and not enough or inconclusive studies available, this makes it a lot more complicated. What I try to do is to find guidance that makes sense to me, that seems logical and harmless.

But sometimes I think that reducing risks means nothing because I know a lot of people who live under constant stress, smoke, drink, don’t eat anything fresh, organic or unprocessed, are overweight and don’t exercise and never got cancer.