15 April 2011
11 April 2011
Did I do this to myself?
I can’t get over the ‘why me’ phase. Every day I ask myself what could I have done differently. I can’t change the past but maybe I can try to influence my future.
What are the downsides of eating well, exercising more, and reducing stress? None, right? So why don’t we all do that? I always thought I lead a healthy life, but apparently I have exposed my body to some cancer causing chemicals or other factors that made me develop cancer. I will never know what caused my cancer, maybe it was the polluted air in London, the fact that I didn’t manage to have any children (although I tired), or because I took the pill for so many years. Was it because I didn’t eat organic, or because I had a stressful life? Was it because I am tall? A woman? White? Apart from nutrition and fitness, all the rest seems pretty much out of my control. Should I have exercised more, eaten less or healthier? I was never fat, I always exercised, I cook at home and don’t eat processed food, I eat plenty of fruit and vegetables and never had any health problems before. In fact, I never realised how healthy I was, how fit I was and how happy I was, until this happened.
If our body knows how to fight cancer, I am determined to help it with a better diet, exercise, less stress and less exposure to carcinogens. By doing this I will not only feel like I am in control, I will increase my chances of leaving longer cancer free.
Doctors don’t tell patients to exercise more, be thin, eat healthy, avoid carcinogens and reduce stress to build natural defences against cancer. All is focussed on early detection and treatments, not prevention. This is wrong.
I read somewhere that breast cancer incidence has increased by more than 50% over the last 25 years. This is quite alarming because, although treatments have improved significantly and the survival rates have increased, not much seems to have been done to prevent it from happening in the first place.
I don’t think it is random luck (or lack of it!), it is the environment we live in, the modern life-style we lead, that are disrupting our hormone balances. The chemicals we breathe, eat and drink are acting as carcinogens.
Presently my biggest fear is to have recurrent or secondary cancer and I want to make sure I do what I can to stay healthy for the rest of my life but it is very hard to do so when I don’t know what exactly made me have breast cancer in the first place.
Pesticides, plastics, the pill, stress, etc are all hormone disruptors that can mimic the role of oestrogen and stimulate the growth of hormone sensitive cancer (like mine). It hasn’t necessarily been proven that oestrogen can cause breast cancer, but high levels of oestrogen can stimulate the growth of the cancer cells. That is exactly what Tamoxifen is supposed to do: block oestrogen receptors.
Having an oestrogen receptive cancer is in a way good, it means that there is an extra treatment available, Tamoxifen, which is proven to be effective. However, although Tamoxifen may increase my life expectancy, it definitely decreases my quality of life. I have been taking it for about two months now and the side effects are just getting worse and worse. A good night sleep is something I don’t know the meaning of anymore and having menopause symptoms at my age makes me feel old, too old. Having hot flashes during hot weather is just horrible. I have many techniques to make it more bearable, such as having two glasses of ice on my desk at work, that I can hold whenever I feel a hot flash coming; I have a Chillow which I definitely recommend, it helps me cool down during the many night sweats I have each night; I sleep with a very light duvet and the window open when possible, I dress in layers and only cotton and I take sage capsules. Unfortunately I can’t take Black Cohosh, Agnus Castus or any of those herbs, because it may interfere with the Tamoxifen and may increase my oestrogen levels.
Why is our body so complicated?
Call me paranoid, but I started using glass containers instead of plastic, I try to use only BPA free plastic, I rarely eat canned food (apart from the odd bean or tuna can), I use organic beauty products without parabens, I eat organic, I avoid dairy products and red meat, and I eat as much antiangiogenic foods as I can (antiangiogenics stop the growth of tumours and progression of cancers by limiting the formation of new blood vessels). Some examples of these foods are strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, blueberries, oranges, grapefruit, lemons, apples, pineapples, cherries, parsley, garlic, nutmeg, turmeric, tomatoes, pumpkin, green tea, kale and dark chocolate.
I went from not wanting to read anything related to cancer to reading everything I can about it. There’s a lot of contradictory information available, and not enough or inconclusive studies available, this makes it a lot more complicated. What I try to do is to find guidance that makes sense to me, that seems logical and harmless.
But sometimes I think that reducing risks means nothing because I know a lot of people who live under constant stress, smoke, drink, don’t eat anything fresh, organic or unprocessed, are overweight and don’t exercise and never got cancer.
What are the downsides of eating well, exercising more, and reducing stress? None, right? So why don’t we all do that? I always thought I lead a healthy life, but apparently I have exposed my body to some cancer causing chemicals or other factors that made me develop cancer. I will never know what caused my cancer, maybe it was the polluted air in London, the fact that I didn’t manage to have any children (although I tired), or because I took the pill for so many years. Was it because I didn’t eat organic, or because I had a stressful life? Was it because I am tall? A woman? White? Apart from nutrition and fitness, all the rest seems pretty much out of my control. Should I have exercised more, eaten less or healthier? I was never fat, I always exercised, I cook at home and don’t eat processed food, I eat plenty of fruit and vegetables and never had any health problems before. In fact, I never realised how healthy I was, how fit I was and how happy I was, until this happened.
If our body knows how to fight cancer, I am determined to help it with a better diet, exercise, less stress and less exposure to carcinogens. By doing this I will not only feel like I am in control, I will increase my chances of leaving longer cancer free.
Doctors don’t tell patients to exercise more, be thin, eat healthy, avoid carcinogens and reduce stress to build natural defences against cancer. All is focussed on early detection and treatments, not prevention. This is wrong.
I read somewhere that breast cancer incidence has increased by more than 50% over the last 25 years. This is quite alarming because, although treatments have improved significantly and the survival rates have increased, not much seems to have been done to prevent it from happening in the first place.
I don’t think it is random luck (or lack of it!), it is the environment we live in, the modern life-style we lead, that are disrupting our hormone balances. The chemicals we breathe, eat and drink are acting as carcinogens.
Presently my biggest fear is to have recurrent or secondary cancer and I want to make sure I do what I can to stay healthy for the rest of my life but it is very hard to do so when I don’t know what exactly made me have breast cancer in the first place.
Pesticides, plastics, the pill, stress, etc are all hormone disruptors that can mimic the role of oestrogen and stimulate the growth of hormone sensitive cancer (like mine). It hasn’t necessarily been proven that oestrogen can cause breast cancer, but high levels of oestrogen can stimulate the growth of the cancer cells. That is exactly what Tamoxifen is supposed to do: block oestrogen receptors.
Having an oestrogen receptive cancer is in a way good, it means that there is an extra treatment available, Tamoxifen, which is proven to be effective. However, although Tamoxifen may increase my life expectancy, it definitely decreases my quality of life. I have been taking it for about two months now and the side effects are just getting worse and worse. A good night sleep is something I don’t know the meaning of anymore and having menopause symptoms at my age makes me feel old, too old. Having hot flashes during hot weather is just horrible. I have many techniques to make it more bearable, such as having two glasses of ice on my desk at work, that I can hold whenever I feel a hot flash coming; I have a Chillow which I definitely recommend, it helps me cool down during the many night sweats I have each night; I sleep with a very light duvet and the window open when possible, I dress in layers and only cotton and I take sage capsules. Unfortunately I can’t take Black Cohosh, Agnus Castus or any of those herbs, because it may interfere with the Tamoxifen and may increase my oestrogen levels.
Why is our body so complicated?
Call me paranoid, but I started using glass containers instead of plastic, I try to use only BPA free plastic, I rarely eat canned food (apart from the odd bean or tuna can), I use organic beauty products without parabens, I eat organic, I avoid dairy products and red meat, and I eat as much antiangiogenic foods as I can (antiangiogenics stop the growth of tumours and progression of cancers by limiting the formation of new blood vessels). Some examples of these foods are strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, blueberries, oranges, grapefruit, lemons, apples, pineapples, cherries, parsley, garlic, nutmeg, turmeric, tomatoes, pumpkin, green tea, kale and dark chocolate.
I went from not wanting to read anything related to cancer to reading everything I can about it. There’s a lot of contradictory information available, and not enough or inconclusive studies available, this makes it a lot more complicated. What I try to do is to find guidance that makes sense to me, that seems logical and harmless.
But sometimes I think that reducing risks means nothing because I know a lot of people who live under constant stress, smoke, drink, don’t eat anything fresh, organic or unprocessed, are overweight and don’t exercise and never got cancer.
10 April 2011
What not to say to a breast cancer patient
In difficult situations I never know what to say to people and very often I can’t find the right words and end up saying empty sentences and maybe even making insensitive remarks. So, I understand that sometimes, although well-meant (or not), people may say the wrong thing.
I’ve made a short list of the things I think people should not say to a cancer patient:
“No one knows when they are going to die. I could be hit by a bus and die tomorrow.” F***! What crosses people’s mind to talk about death to someone with a serious illness? Honestly... Do you know how I feel most of the time? Like if I’ve been hit by a bus, not once, but over and over again. It is true we all die of something at an undetermined date, but being faced with your own mortality after a cancer diagnosis is different.
“So, did the treatments work?” Unfortunately there isn’t a blood or urine test that can confirm that. Cancer can be as small as a single cell and undetectable in a scan. So, let’s see, if I die of cancer it means it didn’t work.
“Fatigue? But you don’t look tired.” I don’t think most people understand what it is like to be uncomfortable in your own body for almost a year now, not being able to sleep for almost five months now, not having energy to do simple things and feeling generally weak.
“You look great for someone who went through what you did.” Or even worse: “You look great, you must be feeling good.” Don’t assume that. Just because I am not crying all the time, I am wearing make-up and colourful clothes, able to laugh and tell some jokes, it doesn’t mean I feel great. I may look good (considering what I’ve been through!), but it feels like crap at times. And how is a cancer patient supposed to look like anyway?
“Look on the bright side, you will get a boob job for free.” First, I was happy the way I was before. Second, have you ever seen reconstructed breasts after a mastectomy? Obviously not. Do you like the way your nipples feel? Well, I wish I could feel mine too. Breast surgeons and plastic surgeons are geniuses and in some cases artists, but breast reconstruction is not the same as breast augmentation. And there's no bright side in loosing part of your body.
“I know how you feel.” Do you really? It’s ok to show sympathy but unless you went through exactly the same, you have no idea what it is like. When I hear this, all I feel is loneliness.
“God has a purpose in all this." "Pray to god." or anything related with god. Don’t assume I am religious. If god exists it is being quite cruel at the moment and I don’t see the purpose of that. I haven’t done anything wrong. If god has a plan, it is a pretty screwed up plan in my view. I prefer to rely on real things like medicine, family and friends. I don’t think people get cancer or any other serious disease for a reason, it is just a consequence of a series of factors.
“You’re so lucky you have so much free time.” Well, let me tell you, if I could choose between working and being sick, I would rather work 60 hours a week.
“My aunt, cousin, sister, brother, uncle, mother, neighbour or whoever died of cancer.” Why are you telling me this? I am scared enough as it is. And save the horror stories about the treatments, recovery and recurrence for some other time.
“Everything is going to be all right.” How can you know that? Even my doctors don’t know that. By saying this, people just make me feel guilty for being worried, sad and afraid.
“You have to stay positive.” Don’t tell me how I should feel. And if I am not positive? Am I disappointing a lot of people? Is positive a synonym of denial, anger, depression, anxiety and panic? No, I don’t think it is and I am sorry to disappoint you by saying that I feel all these as well.
“Your hair will grow back.” Don’t state the obvious. I live in the present not in the future. Have you ever tried feeling attractive and self-confident without hair?
“I love short hair?” Do you really? Then shall we go together to the hairdresser so you can copy my hairstyle?
I’ve made a short list of the things I think people should not say to a cancer patient:
“No one knows when they are going to die. I could be hit by a bus and die tomorrow.” F***! What crosses people’s mind to talk about death to someone with a serious illness? Honestly... Do you know how I feel most of the time? Like if I’ve been hit by a bus, not once, but over and over again. It is true we all die of something at an undetermined date, but being faced with your own mortality after a cancer diagnosis is different.
“So, did the treatments work?” Unfortunately there isn’t a blood or urine test that can confirm that. Cancer can be as small as a single cell and undetectable in a scan. So, let’s see, if I die of cancer it means it didn’t work.
“Fatigue? But you don’t look tired.” I don’t think most people understand what it is like to be uncomfortable in your own body for almost a year now, not being able to sleep for almost five months now, not having energy to do simple things and feeling generally weak.
“You look great for someone who went through what you did.” Or even worse: “You look great, you must be feeling good.” Don’t assume that. Just because I am not crying all the time, I am wearing make-up and colourful clothes, able to laugh and tell some jokes, it doesn’t mean I feel great. I may look good (considering what I’ve been through!), but it feels like crap at times. And how is a cancer patient supposed to look like anyway?
“Look on the bright side, you will get a boob job for free.” First, I was happy the way I was before. Second, have you ever seen reconstructed breasts after a mastectomy? Obviously not. Do you like the way your nipples feel? Well, I wish I could feel mine too. Breast surgeons and plastic surgeons are geniuses and in some cases artists, but breast reconstruction is not the same as breast augmentation. And there's no bright side in loosing part of your body.
“I know how you feel.” Do you really? It’s ok to show sympathy but unless you went through exactly the same, you have no idea what it is like. When I hear this, all I feel is loneliness.
“God has a purpose in all this." "Pray to god." or anything related with god. Don’t assume I am religious. If god exists it is being quite cruel at the moment and I don’t see the purpose of that. I haven’t done anything wrong. If god has a plan, it is a pretty screwed up plan in my view. I prefer to rely on real things like medicine, family and friends. I don’t think people get cancer or any other serious disease for a reason, it is just a consequence of a series of factors.
“You’re so lucky you have so much free time.” Well, let me tell you, if I could choose between working and being sick, I would rather work 60 hours a week.
“My aunt, cousin, sister, brother, uncle, mother, neighbour or whoever died of cancer.” Why are you telling me this? I am scared enough as it is. And save the horror stories about the treatments, recovery and recurrence for some other time.
“Everything is going to be all right.” How can you know that? Even my doctors don’t know that. By saying this, people just make me feel guilty for being worried, sad and afraid.
“You have to stay positive.” Don’t tell me how I should feel. And if I am not positive? Am I disappointing a lot of people? Is positive a synonym of denial, anger, depression, anxiety and panic? No, I don’t think it is and I am sorry to disappoint you by saying that I feel all these as well.
“Your hair will grow back.” Don’t state the obvious. I live in the present not in the future. Have you ever tried feeling attractive and self-confident without hair?
“I love short hair?” Do you really? Then shall we go together to the hairdresser so you can copy my hairstyle?
06 April 2011
The hottest April 6 on record
Today was the hottest day of the year and I was lucky enough to be off. I love and need sun. A sunny day is the best anti-depressant I know. Apparently the hottest place in the country, according to the Met Office, was St James’s Park here in London where a temperature of 23.6C was recorded. Not bad for April.
It's a shame I cannot sunbathe, my skin is still too sensitive after chemo and radiotherapy, otherwise I would have been in the sun all day. Sun, please stay!
It's a shame I cannot sunbathe, my skin is still too sensitive after chemo and radiotherapy, otherwise I would have been in the sun all day. Sun, please stay!
03 April 2011
Can't face it, literally!
Last Friday I had a routine appointment with the breast surgeon. I took the opportunity to complain about my right arm which has been a bit achy and slightly swollen lately. I was afraid it could be lymphoedema but he quickly dismissed my concerns. However, he raised a new one. I have a suspicious looking mole on my back. He took measurements, made some notes and said we would keep an eye on it. Well, he will keep an eye because it’s right in the middle of my back, where even with a mirror I am not able to see it properly. I didn’t really think much about this until now. I decided to do what doctors keep tell me not to, I went to “Dr. Google” for information. Apparently women with breast cancer have a higher risk of developing melanoma. Great, another thing to keep me awake at night! It is most probably just another mole, like any of the hundreds I have, but I have to admit that today I spent some time trying to turn my head back as much as I could in order to see the famous suspicious mole. Completely useless, all I got was a stiff neck and eyeball pain. As a last resort I made S. describe in detail how the mole looks like. He refused to take a picture of it claiming it would only make me even more paranoid. Paranoid, me?!
02 April 2011
Kohlrabi
In this week’s organic vegetable box I found a kohlrabi, another vegetable that I hadn’t cooked before. Today I made a delicious spicy soup, here is the recipe:
Ingredients:
1 tbsp olive oil
1 white onion
1 garlic clove
1 dried red chilli
1 kohlrabi
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp sesame oil
1 slice of ginger
1 tsp of coriander powder
Coriander or parsley leaves
Salt and pepper
Preparation:
Fry the onions, chilli and garlic, all finely chopped, in the olive oil until soft.
Add the diced kohlrabi and cook until soft.
Add the soy sauce, sesame oil, ginger (I normally use the garlic crusher to crush the ginger, instead of chopping it), coriander powder, salt and pepper, and simmer for about ten minutes.
Mash and add the chopped coriander or parsley before serving.
I also learned that kohlrabi is very healthy: it is an excellent source of vitamin C, B6, folic acid, magnesium, copper and potassium. Kohlrabi is good for diabetics because it helps to stabilise the levels of sugar in the blood. It is low in calories and high on fibre.
Ingredients:
1 tbsp olive oil
1 white onion
1 garlic clove
1 dried red chilli
1 kohlrabi
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp sesame oil
1 slice of ginger
1 tsp of coriander powder
Coriander or parsley leaves
Salt and pepper
Preparation:
Fry the onions, chilli and garlic, all finely chopped, in the olive oil until soft.
Add the diced kohlrabi and cook until soft.
Add the soy sauce, sesame oil, ginger (I normally use the garlic crusher to crush the ginger, instead of chopping it), coriander powder, salt and pepper, and simmer for about ten minutes.
Mash and add the chopped coriander or parsley before serving.
I also learned that kohlrabi is very healthy: it is an excellent source of vitamin C, B6, folic acid, magnesium, copper and potassium. Kohlrabi is good for diabetics because it helps to stabilise the levels of sugar in the blood. It is low in calories and high on fibre.
01 April 2011
I love this time of the year
Days are getting longer, birds sing all day, it's warmer, there are flowers everywhere...
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