Back pain

After almost 20 years of chronic back pain, it looks like I have finally found something that actually provides some relief. I got so used to having back pain it bacame part of my life, but the other day, when the pain was at its worse, I mentioned it to my acupuncturist, and she decided to dedicate that session to treating the pain. I was pleasantly surprised  by the effect, it is not a long lasting effect though, probably just a couple of days and I am aware that it will not cure the cause of the pain but I will certainly keep on going there. She has a client for life now!

Top 10 news of my week

1. The last few remaining eyebrows fell out but the next day I woke up with a vigorous bush of new eyebrows growing. Fantastic! It’s still less than a millimetre long, but it looks great. I miss my dark thick eyebrows.
2. I lost all eyelashes some time ago and just like my eyebrows, the eyelashes are growing strong, very uneven and very slow, but they are there.
3. Ten weeks after the last chemo, the hair on my head is still very weak, scarce and ugly, but it seems to be growing a bit everywhere now. I’m not jumping of happiness yet but I stopped panicking, there’s hope!
4. After a long, stressful and frustrating search, I finally found a really nice bikini, it is pretty and it makes me look perfectly “normal”. It doesn’t cover the chest port, the bump stands out a bit, but I can live with that. I can’t wait to go on holidays now.
5. I started exercising with a personal trainer who has been helping me regain strength in my arms, correct posture, and build some muscle. It’s great and I feel very motivated. I am aware that it will take several months before I recover completely but I am on the right path.
6.  J. started working this week and I miss her company already. I've been so lucky to have here, she's been my guardian angel.
7. Tomorrow is my last radiotherapy session. The end. Time to celebrate. And to celebrate, recharge and get some miminhos from my family, Saturday I am going to Portugal. My mother’s sofa is the best place in the world to rest, nap and be lazy. After Portugal S. and I are going to pamper ourselves in a spa.
8. According to my acupuncturist my Qi is imbalanced (I’m not surprised, I actually think everything about my body is deficient at the moment), and to balance my Qi and help me sleep better I started taking some Chinese herbs.
9. I’ve been eating like a pig and I’m putting on weight faster than I lost during chemo. Urgent action required, bald whales are not attractive!
10. I am preparing myself to get back to work. It’s been eight months and I wonder if I still remember where my desk is...

I had enough

Lately I’ve been feeling a bit like a human needle cushion. I never really had any problems with needles, I don’t get impressed, dizzy or feel much pain, but I got to a point now where I cannot stand them anymore. This year I’ve had more needles inserted in my body than in my whole life.

It all began with the blood tests, biopsies and MRI’s (yes, there’s a needle involved here too, an injection of a contrast agent into the bloodstream). Then there were the surgeries and anaesthesias, five this year alone. And let’s not forget the daily injections of fertility drugs, actually twice a day, I had to administer for two weeks. Chemo, of course, was the last drop, with countless blood tests, injections and intravenous treatments. During chemo my poor veins refused to cooperate any longer, my left arm felt like a junky’s arm, and I am so glad I have a port now, it makes things so much easier, faster and painless. In fact, the port looks a bit like an actual needle cushion and it can be used for drawing blood and administering drugs. Although it is very practical, it means some extra needle pricks as it requires some maintenance. It has to be flushed regularly to prevent clotting and occlusion.

Now on top of having blood drawn almost every week, I started having acupuncture to try to relieve some of the side effects of chemotherapy. Great, more needles! I don't know what crossed my mind, I should instead stay quietly at home healing and resting.

I don’t have a needle phobia yet but I don’t wish to see a needle, syringe, blood, infusion bag or catheter in the next couple of weeks (I would like to say months but I know it is unrealistic!).

My first acupuncture treatment

I have always wanted to try acupuncture and was really pleased when my health insurance confirmed I was covered in full.

With each chemotherapy session I have been feeling worse and worse and I am running out of energy and patience to deal with the side effects. I love massages, it really relaxes me and makes me feel good but unfortunately a good massage in a decent place is quite expensive and it is not covered by the insurance. It is a shame massages are not considered complementary therapy. I was looking for something that could help improve my general wellbeing and after some recommendations and some consideration, I’ve decided to make my first appointment with an acupuncturist. The first appointment was last Thursday and I will be going there once a week.

I don’t expect miracles but I am hoping it will help lessen the annoying noise in my ear caused by the throbbing vein and relieve the nausea, headaches, pain, insomnia and fatigue. As I don’t have high expectations, any benefit will be a very positive outcome. In fact, right after the first session, the throbbing vein was no longer there. It was back the next day but even a short-term benefit is welcome.

The session started with a questionnaire about my medical condition, diet, emotional state and sleeping pattern. She checked my pulse and the colour and coating of my tongue and explained me how the treatment was going to be like. The atmosphere was very relaxing and friendly. I then laid down and she inserted needles on my feet, ankles and lower legs, hands, wrists and lower arms and head. It didn’t hurt at all, I just felt a light tingling. She left the room for about five to ten minutes, leaving me to relax. And it really was very relaxing to lay there in silence. When she returned she gave me a pressure point massage on my neck and shoulders, which was simply amazing. I loved it and I believe it helped me feeling relaxed.

I don’t know much about acupuncture and I think I am going to buy a book about it to understand better how it works.

During the acupuncture session I had fun imagining a voodoo doll not of myself but of cancer, almost like if it was possible to personify cancer, turning it into a doll and sticking some needles into it, not to treat but to kill.

I know acupuncture will not end the pain, nausea, fatigue, etc but I liked the way I felt afterwards: relaxed. Feeling relaxed is a luxury for me. Since this cancer era started, only in very few occasions I felt relaxed and good. If stress in a risk factor for cancer, I think we can say that cancer itself is cancerigenous and since I have never had so much stress in my life like now, I am exposing myself to an undesired risk. If I can learn how to deal with stress and start relaxing more, I am sure it will only do me good.