6 down.. and done with chemo. Hurray!

The day yesterday went by so quickly I hardly had time to enjoy the fact that it was my last chemotherapy treatment. S. and I arrived at the clinic early, I sat on my favourite chair and the nurses started the treatment right after. My friend J., with her always cheerful smile, came to keep us company and she brought me a box of Green & Blacks chocolates that I so desperately needed and really enjoyed (there goes my diet!). By noon I was done. S. and I had lunch and went to meet the oncologist at 1pm. We discussed the next steps: hormone therapy (tamoxifen) and radiotherapy, she went through the side effects and how to manage them. If all goes according to plan, next week I will meet the radiologist and start taking the tamoxifen.

As it was my last chemo and the nurses and all other staff have been so amazing, I wanted to give them something. One of the nurses had mentioned before that they always get bonbons and cakes, so I wanted to bring something different. I thought of an organic fruit basket, at least it would be healthy, but healthy is not fun. Instead I decided to make the Dutch Christmas cookies (speculaas and boterkoekjes) my mother has always made at home for Christmas. I spent two afternoons in the kitchen but it was worth it, they looked and tasted good. I hope they all enjoyed it too.

I brought a "souvenir" with me, the arm band I wore at the clinic.

From the clinic I also brought the usual goodie bag. Can't wait to stop filling my poor body with all these medicines.

On my first chemo day, before treatment started my mother took me a picture. Yesterday, before my last chemo treatment started S. also took me a picture (already with the needle and the catheter sticking out of my blouse!).

26 August 2010
The old me: still with thick brown hair, full eyebrows and eyelashes, healthy colour and energetic.



10 December 2010
The chemo me: no hair, barely any eyebrows and eyelashes
and in need of some sun and rest.

I will only consider chemotherapy as finished once the side effects disappear, at least the most unpleasant and debilitating ones. Today, apart from not being able to sleep and feeling slightly nauseous, I am ok. Experience tells me that the worse will hit me on the 3rd day of the cycle.

Chemotherapy is horrible but I guess it is better than having cancer. Chemotherapy made me feel weak, exhausted beyond believe, nauseous, dizzy, emotionally drained, made me lose my hair, ruined my nails, gave me an itchy sore scalp, my skin got dry, gave me mouth ulcers and dry mouth, gave me watery eyes and a bleeding nose, gave me an annoying noise and a throbbing vein in my ear, gave me unpleasant headaches, gave me brown spots on my skin, gave me phlebitis, gave me terrible bone pain, muscle pain and joint pain, made me lose my concentration, gave me insomnias, made me lose my appetite, gave me heartburn, colic and indigestion, made me have severe constipation and severe diarrhoea, weakened my immune system and most probably damaged my ovaries leaving me infertile. Did I forget anything? However, even though the list is long, it is better than cancer!

My blood counts have been falling with each cycle. My white blood cell count and neutrophil count are quite low at the moment. I just hope they don't get any lower and that I don't get any infections or other complications. On the 19th of Dec. we are supposed to fly to Portugal to spend Christmas and New Year's there. And I really want to go, I've been looking forward to getting away and being with my family and friends for months.

I can't wait to go back to a more normal life, to my old life if possible. My head is full of plans for 2011, starting with a relaxed holiday somewhere, going to the gym more regularly, meeting people without being afraid of feeling sick just hours before leaving home, going back to work, being able to concentrate on anything for more than one minute and enjoying life in general.

I will be staring into the mirror every day checking for any signs of hair growth. Once I get enough hair to cover my scalp, I will stop wearing scarves and hats. I am curious if it will grow weak, curly and grey or just like my old dark brown, straight, strong hair. Can't wait to have my first haircut.

Today is exactly six months since my diagnosis. Not sure yet how I feel about it. Tired, I guess.