In preparation for the hair loss, before chemo started I went to some wig shops and tried several wigs. In one of the shops I narrowed down the options to four different wigs, the ones I thought I would be able to wear. But every time I went wig shopping, I felt depressed, the idea of having to wear one made me sad and angry. I decided I didn’t want one and that I would wear a scarf.
When my hair started falling out I had it shaved off and immediately started wearing scarves. It is emotionally very difficult to accept I have no hair and to be looked at on the streets, shops and restaurants. I got used to the scarves and I have no problem at all wearing them. I feel normal and most of the times I almost forget I have one on.
More and more people ask me why I don’t wear a wig, and tell me I would look better and more “normal”. What I can’t explain is that I do not feel normal with a wig on. I feel like I am pretending something and it makes me feel strange.
I have a wig but I am not sure I will ever wear it. This week I made an appointment at the wig shop I liked the most and went there with S. and my mother. From the four wigs I had chosen the first time I went there, I bought one with a similar hair cut I had before chemo, a bob style, same hair colour as my original hair. It actually looks very good. I even think it looks much better than my usual hair because it is always combed and neat. I haven’t worn it outside yet, I can’t get used to it. I look in the mirror and I know it is me with a wig on. By now everyone knows I am going through chemo, so why pretend I have hair? I feel it was a waste of money. I hope I can donate it to charity one day.
If I was working I would most likely wear it, it would be easier for other people and less distracting. But to go to Waitrose, museums, walks in the park, etc I don’t see the point.
Maybe I should wear it more often at home to get used to it. The truth is, a scarf is easy and fun to wear and it makes me feel like myself.
Why am I so averse to wearing a wig? I can’t explain it.
No comments:
Post a Comment