Today I had to go back to the clinic because my arm was getting worse. The phlebitis has spread into my hand and upper arm. It is painful, a bruise-like kind of pain that was worrying me and making me restless. My veins are hard and brownish-purple and I have a swelling on my wrist which hurts quite a lot.
I was seen by a doctor who confirmed my arm veins cannot be used for the treatment, it would only increase the irritation causing more pain and discomfort.
As I feared, I will have a port surgically implanted in my chest under the skin. Thursday early in the morning I will be once again under anaesthesia and will have it implanted. One more scar, one more annoyance. I will then have the chemo drugs administered through the port on the same day.
An implantable port is a plastic tube (a catheter) that is put in the chest into a large vein just above the heart and that connects to an opening (a port) which sits just under the skin. The port will be left in place until the end of the chemotherapy treatments and a small discrete bump will be visible underneath the skin.
I am not very happy about this, but not too worried either. It’s just a hiccup along the way.
05 October 2010
04 October 2010
Pre-chemo anxiety
I can’t hide that I am extremely anxious about it, so much I can’t even relax and enjoy these last few days of “freedom”. I wake up thinking about it, go to bed thinking about it and I even dream about it. I wish someone would just hit me hard in the head with a pan and leave me unconscious throughout all this.
I know what expects me next week: extreme nausea, heavy headaches, fatigue, bone pain, sore mouth, etc, etc. I’ll be a useless couch potato for a week again. Something so unpleasant can’t do me any good, right?
On top of this, the phlebitis did not improve, in fact it has spread to my hand and upper arm and it is not only painful but worrying. If the nurses cannot use my right arm (due to the surgery) and my left arm is like this, how are they going to administer the treatment? I don’t want a central line put in, it would mean another anaesthesia and delaying the chemo session. And one thing I am finding hard to deal with is the time the whole treatment is taking, so a delay would be a disaster for me. But, here I am, speculating, I have no idea what is going to happen so why worry so much?
I know these fears are irrational, my overall experience so far has been acceptable, some patients experience a lot heavier side effects and I shouldn’t complain so much. Positive thinking, positive thinking...
Luckily there’s one thing I am looking forward to this week. As part of my pre-chemo cultural agenda, Wednesday evening we are going to Sadler’s Wells to see Akram Khan’s latest work, Vertical Road. It will keep my mind off of the chemo on chemo eve!
Dry Skin Brushing
I learned about dry skin brushing recently, I had never heard of it before, and now it is something I do every day. It is recommended to stimulate lymph and blood circulation for the removal of impurities under the skin surface. Dry skin brushing improves circulation, aids in detoxification, removes dead skin layers and increases cell renewal, improves skin softness and quality, and strengthens immune system.
I brush before taking a shower, brushing with long light sweeping strokes starting from the bottom of my feet upwards, and from the hands towards the shoulders, on the torso in an upward direction towards the hart, circular strokes on the abdomen and down from the neck.
I brush before taking a shower, brushing with long light sweeping strokes starting from the bottom of my feet upwards, and from the hands towards the shoulders, on the torso in an upward direction towards the hart, circular strokes on the abdomen and down from the neck.
I can’t guarantee it works, but it does feel good.
01 October 2010
Wigs versus scarves
In preparation for the hair loss, before chemo started I went to some wig shops and tried several wigs. In one of the shops I narrowed down the options to four different wigs, the ones I thought I would be able to wear. But every time I went wig shopping, I felt depressed, the idea of having to wear one made me sad and angry. I decided I didn’t want one and that I would wear a scarf.
When my hair started falling out I had it shaved off and immediately started wearing scarves. It is emotionally very difficult to accept I have no hair and to be looked at on the streets, shops and restaurants. I got used to the scarves and I have no problem at all wearing them. I feel normal and most of the times I almost forget I have one on.
More and more people ask me why I don’t wear a wig, and tell me I would look better and more “normal”. What I can’t explain is that I do not feel normal with a wig on. I feel like I am pretending something and it makes me feel strange.
I have a wig but I am not sure I will ever wear it. This week I made an appointment at the wig shop I liked the most and went there with S. and my mother. From the four wigs I had chosen the first time I went there, I bought one with a similar hair cut I had before chemo, a bob style, same hair colour as my original hair. It actually looks very good. I even think it looks much better than my usual hair because it is always combed and neat. I haven’t worn it outside yet, I can’t get used to it. I look in the mirror and I know it is me with a wig on. By now everyone knows I am going through chemo, so why pretend I have hair? I feel it was a waste of money. I hope I can donate it to charity one day.
If I was working I would most likely wear it, it would be easier for other people and less distracting. But to go to Waitrose, museums, walks in the park, etc I don’t see the point.
Maybe I should wear it more often at home to get used to it. The truth is, a scarf is easy and fun to wear and it makes me feel like myself.
Why am I so averse to wearing a wig? I can’t explain it.
When my hair started falling out I had it shaved off and immediately started wearing scarves. It is emotionally very difficult to accept I have no hair and to be looked at on the streets, shops and restaurants. I got used to the scarves and I have no problem at all wearing them. I feel normal and most of the times I almost forget I have one on.
More and more people ask me why I don’t wear a wig, and tell me I would look better and more “normal”. What I can’t explain is that I do not feel normal with a wig on. I feel like I am pretending something and it makes me feel strange.
I have a wig but I am not sure I will ever wear it. This week I made an appointment at the wig shop I liked the most and went there with S. and my mother. From the four wigs I had chosen the first time I went there, I bought one with a similar hair cut I had before chemo, a bob style, same hair colour as my original hair. It actually looks very good. I even think it looks much better than my usual hair because it is always combed and neat. I haven’t worn it outside yet, I can’t get used to it. I look in the mirror and I know it is me with a wig on. By now everyone knows I am going through chemo, so why pretend I have hair? I feel it was a waste of money. I hope I can donate it to charity one day.
If I was working I would most likely wear it, it would be easier for other people and less distracting. But to go to Waitrose, museums, walks in the park, etc I don’t see the point.
Maybe I should wear it more often at home to get used to it. The truth is, a scarf is easy and fun to wear and it makes me feel like myself.
Why am I so averse to wearing a wig? I can’t explain it.
Known and Suspected Carcinogens
A carcinogen is a substance or exposure that can lead to cancer. Most cancers are, directly or indirectly, linked to environmental factors and thus are preventable.
This document: http://monographs.iarc.fr/ENG/Classification/ClassificationsGroupOrder.pdf from the International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) (http://www.iarc.fr/) is worth reading.
The IARC Monographs identify environmental factors that can increase the risk of human cancer. These include chemicals, complex mixtures, occupational exposures, physical agents, biological agents, and lifestyle factors. Since 1971, more than 900 agents have been evaluated, of which approximately 400 have been identified as carcinogenic, probably carcinogenic, or possibly carcinogenic to humans.
Group 1 Carcinogenic to humans
Group 2 A Probably carcinogenic to humans
Group 2B Possibly carcinogenic to humans
Group 3 Not classifiable as to its carcinogenicity to humans
Group 4 Probably not carcinogenic to humans
The use of certain substances has already been banned and several guidelines have been published to help prevent the exposure to carcinogens. EU regulations make it mandatory to supply information and labelling of the product by the manufacturers and suppliers in what concerns chemical substances.
Despite this I feel that there is still lack of public awareness about carcinogenic substances present in products we use daily and maybe more should be done to increase knowledge that would allow each one of us to opt to use alternative products when possible.
This document: http://monographs.iarc.fr/ENG/Classification/ClassificationsGroupOrder.pdf from the International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) (http://www.iarc.fr/) is worth reading.
The IARC Monographs identify environmental factors that can increase the risk of human cancer. These include chemicals, complex mixtures, occupational exposures, physical agents, biological agents, and lifestyle factors. Since 1971, more than 900 agents have been evaluated, of which approximately 400 have been identified as carcinogenic, probably carcinogenic, or possibly carcinogenic to humans.
Group 1 Carcinogenic to humans
Group 2 A Probably carcinogenic to humans
Group 2B Possibly carcinogenic to humans
Group 3 Not classifiable as to its carcinogenicity to humans
Group 4 Probably not carcinogenic to humans
The use of certain substances has already been banned and several guidelines have been published to help prevent the exposure to carcinogens. EU regulations make it mandatory to supply information and labelling of the product by the manufacturers and suppliers in what concerns chemical substances.
Despite this I feel that there is still lack of public awareness about carcinogenic substances present in products we use daily and maybe more should be done to increase knowledge that would allow each one of us to opt to use alternative products when possible.
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