Lately I’ve been experiencing what feels like the worst PMS of my life. One minute I think everyone around me is great, the next minute I realise how annoying people can be and I don’t just get irritated, I scare people by turning blue and blowing up, not without first saying a couple of nasty things. Even I know this is irrational, but it is totally out of my control, really, it is. I have to first count until ten before opening my mouth these days. It feels at times as if my body and mind are not my own. The worse part of the treatments have ended, the prognosis is good, spring is coming (soon I hope!) and life goes on. An action plan is needed. So, let’s be rational:
Problem: tired body and exhausted mind, crazy hormones, loss of self-esteem, pains and aches
Cause: cancer and treatments
Solution: change focus, rest, exercise, eat well, have fun and take pain killers
After almost nine months of focussing on cancer and my health, I am now ready to change focus and start living a more normal life. It is going to be hard, at least for now because there are still so many reminders - aches and pains, annoyances, my physical appearance, worries, doctor’s appointments, etc - that don’t let me forget what I’ve been through, but I want to stop thinking of myself as a cancer patient and enjoy life as before. “As before” and “normal life” will now have to be readjusted to a new reality. Nothing will be like before, I know, but I have to find a new “normal” and get on with life.
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