A Flashback: the surgery

I went to the surgery quite calm, waited patiently for the doctor to come and draw all kind of marks on me, for the nurses to make all necessary tests and for the anaesthetist to ask me all kind of questions. My sister E. and S. were with me, they held my hand and made me smile while waiting. It was extremely hot that day and I couldn’t eat or drink. I was hungry, thirsty, tired and anxious. And of course slightly grumpy. I had to put on a hospital gown, deposable panties and white compression stockings, I looked very sexy! And there I went, walking along the hospital corridors, with the Macmillan nurse trying to cheer me up. E. and S. accompanied me all the way to the grown floor almost to the operation theatre and waved at me through the door window. I liked that.

Before the surgery I had a radioactive dye injected into my breast, near the tumour, in order to identify the sentinel lymph node, which is the first lymph node to receive lymphatic drainage from the tumour and the lymph node the cancer is more likely to spread to. My sentinel node was in the chest, above the breast, and was removed to be sent to pathology. During surgery the surgeon did a test to identify possible cancer cells and decide whether or not to remove all axillary lymph nodes. In my case it was not needed, my lymph nodes are clear.

The operation theatre was full of people: several nurses, the surgeon and his assistant, the anaesthetist and his assistant, a trainee nurse and the Macmillan nurse who stayed there chatting with me until I fell asleep. Back in my room, when I fully woke up from the anaesthesia I saw three familiar faces and felt very happy and safe: E., S. and my old friend J.. With support like this life is so much easier. That night I was feeling so vulnerable that I asked E. and S. to stay with me until I fell asleep.

I accepted the changes quite well, a lot better than I thought I would. The only time I cried was due to exhaustion, anxiety, discomfort, having everyone around me telling me what to do and realising I was unable to control my own time and life.

I chose one of the best surgeons I could find and knew I was going to be fine. I chose to have an endoscopic (keyhole) mastectomy in which the breast tissue is removed through a small scar in the breast. I was very happy with the results and didn’t feel disfigured at all. There are certain tops and t-shirts I cannot wear because it shows that there is something missing on my chest, but most of the clothes look as good as before.

Although I never felt pain, the recovery was hard and unpleasant. I had drains for five days after surgery, had to sleep always in the same position, couldn’t sleep more than one or two hours in a row, couldn’t move my arm and couldn’t bathe on my own. Everywhere I went I had to carry the drainage tubes and bag, which was funny because since the first day I enjoyed going to the hospital gardens for walks, to get some fresh air and sun. And there was I, in my pyjama carrying my disgusting drainage bag with bloody tubes sticking out from under my top.

The hospital staff was very caring, always had the right words at the right time, helped me with everything and made sure I was going home feeling as good as when I went in. And I did, almost!

I try not to think about the big picture but to focus on each step of this fight, I try making decisions aware of the risks, weigh the options and choose the best for me. I have been receiving so much support I will never be able to thank people enough. I hope they are all aware how important it is for me to know so many people are sending me positive vibrations.